Thursday, October 25, 2018

I Just Won the Lottery

Alt title - 31st birthday reflections.
A friend bought me a few MegaMillions “quick picks” for my birthday the other night after we had a nice dinner together.

I’ve never purchased a lottery ticket for myself so I didn’t know what to think of it at the time. To be completely honest, I hadn’t even heard of all the hype going on or what the total was even up to. He let me know that it was over a billion dollars and he ran through the pay out logistics and we talked about how much money that actually was. I’d soon come to find that what he actually gave me was the best birthday gift ever. I was up in my bed late that night and I couldn’t sleep. Which was strange because I had been up since ten past four that same morning, ran trails, and had been busy all day.

With some savings that would cover a few months minimalistic expenses, I left a well-paying job a month and a half ago and chose to see what I could come up with for myself if I left myself up to my own devices and pinned my own back against the wall.

I found time to write, coach, and train myself as a supplement to a full-time job for the past 8-years, but what if I invested all my time and money into doing these things that now are interwoven into my person. A belief system that I made for myself. What could I come up with? The insomnia that night was a result of how absolutely ecstatic I’ve been feeling about the things that have come out of the past month. I couldn’t stop thinking about how incredible the feelings of creation and expression I have been developing through writing and coaching and connecting with my community. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to be in the position that I am in, and I wanted to make the very best of things to come. My mind shifted after a while. I started to think about the lottery ticket my friend gave me. Thoughts of “What would I do with the money if I had won?” started into my brain, after a couple of fantastical ideas left my skull; I had a very overpowering thought come up. And I froze as the logistical part of my brain kicked into gear.
“What would you REALLY do with it if you won?”
I very vividly couldn’t think of anything. I’m broker than I’ve ever been (monetarily) since college. And I can’t think of what I’d do with a bajillion dollars. It was the most free I have ever felt in my life.

The journey I am on right now is insanely fun and it is fulfilling every piece of my heart and soul. I’ve never felt more alive. I’ve never felt more confident in my ability to positively affect my surroundings and my community. My writing is getting better and my coaching has never been better. I have a killer training plan on deck that is going to help people get better. I’ve never been more sure of any of the decisions I’m making. (I have a lot of people to thank for this feeling too but I don't want to lose your attention here... that will be a different post.) A while ago, I saw a post from someone who I have never actually met in real life, but I know she has lived thru this moment. She wrote about it here. Upon seeing this post, I was jealous because I wanted to know what she actually felt like in her description. Being gifted a donk-load of money would put my flames out. No money could contribute to the passion I have in my life right now, despite not knowing how long it will last, or where the decisions I am making will take me. I am so content right now that I feel partly insane. I still haven’t checked if the ticket won anything.

Happy birthday? Fuck yeah it is... 31 is going to be weirder than ever.

1 comment:

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