Friday, September 9, 2016

Who's the douchebag?

You be the judge. These are the facts of he case, and they are undisputed. Ladies and gentlemen, Who's the douchebag?

So I got on the 2.5hr shuttle van to the airport and sat in the second row. Heading home for a bachelor party and a wedding. The van was full. Most people were just minding their own business quietly. I know this is horrible form but I had to take a call (about a job). I know how lame this is so before I picked it up I apologized to the people next to me and said I'd only be a few minutes.  No one else in the van was talking so I really didn't see a huge deal in this. It's not the best situation but not the worst. And this guy and I have been playing phone tag for almost two weeks now. I need to emphasize the fact that I wasn't talking any louder than a whisper. Seriously, I was wondering if he could even hear me.

Anyways, I pick up the phone and after about ten minutes the driver asked me to hang up so she could call dispatch. I wasn't thrilled but I abided and told the guy I'd call him right back. When she finished I went to call him back. The driver asked me "not to talk on the phone all ride" and said I should only text. I politely told her that my call meant a lot to me and I'd be quick and that it couldn't be texted, I honestly wonder if she could even hear me talking from two feet away.

I proceeded to call this guy back and lowered my volume even more. Every Time I whispered into the phone she got annoyed and made a point to speak very loudly, seemingly just to annoy me. Eleven minutes later after successfully landing this thing (only after toggling the mute button every time this lady opened her ugly throat hole). I again apologized to everyone in the van and thanked them for bearing with me. One guy even commented, "Sounded like a pretty good call." and everyone chuckled and smiled.

She then proceeded to make miserable conversation with the person in the passenger seat obnoxiously loud FOR THE REST OF THE RIDE! On the contrary, no one else in the van spoke the rest of the ride. The passenger she was speaking to, as far as I could see, didn't even want to be talking to her. Her voice was absolutely horrible and I wanted to squeeze the rest of her stupid water bottle down her gullet until she shut the fuck up.

So I honestly ask - what's the difference between me talking on my phone for 20 out of the 150min ride and her babbling the whole time? What if I had been talking to someone next to me? Would that have made a difference?

Or does she hold the trump card because she's driving? I'd totally understand if that were the case but I dont really see a huge deal in quietly taking a call on a shuttle bus. Again- I know it's not the best situation for anyone but is it so bad that she has the right to ask me to hang up?!

Does acknowledging the fact that I was "that guy" rescind me a little from the title? Or am I just a giant bag of douche for taking the call?


  1. Before I decide who's the douchebag I have a question. Is a throat hole sort of like a car hole but for tongues? ;-)

    1. Exactly. If it is half as funny as you once hyped up car-hole to be I'll take the W.


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